


Beautiful Trauma

by We_Are_Only_Halfway_Home93



Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Anger, Child Abuse, Depression, F/M, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Original Character(s), Secret Relationship, Self-Hatred, Step-Sibling Incest, Step-siblings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-22
Updated: 2018-08-22
Packaged: 2019-06-30 21:57:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,757
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15760494
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/We_Are_Only_Halfway_Home93/pseuds/We_Are_Only_Halfway_Home93
Summary: The worst way to miss someone is for them to be right beside you and you know you can't have them.





	Beautiful Trauma

The moonlight streamed in through her window and she traced the patterns it created on the hardwood. The holes and cracks in the floor cast shadows and she traced the few she could reach with her fingers. She was face down on her bed, her arm hanging over the side. The blankets were bunched up around her knees and her sleep shirt, Billy’s shirt, was pushed past her waist.

It was late but she couldn’t sleep. Her mind was racing, filled with things that teenagers shouldn’t stress about. She was worried about Billy and his aggression. To be fair, he’d always been aggressive but it had gotten significantly worse since the move.

It had gotten worse as soon as their parents had gotten married but it was aggravated by the move. None of them were happy about the move but Billy seemed to think that taking it out on everyone else was the best way to deal with his displeasure.

Valerie had always been good at reading him but he closed himself off from her. He put up a mask and hid behind it, pushing her away and creating a new identity for himself in Hawkins. He tried to hurt her by ignoring her, insulting her, scaring Max. The worst was when he flaunted himself at school and caught the eyes of every red blooded female in the vicinity.

Valerie knew how people looked at them. Both of them. They were exciting new creatures from across the country. Two exotic beings from the distant lands of the West Coast, a place none of the Hawkins teenagers had ever even dreamed of seeing. Billy, with his crystal blue eyes and golden curls, his candy pink lips and drop-dead smile, was the perfect amalgamation of parts to make any girl wet just by looking at him. He knew it, too, and used it to his advantage. He made sure that she saw him with a different girl every day.

She tried not to think about what he did when he was with them. She wanted to be angry with him and most days she was but it was hard to stay that way. Every time he came home smelling like a new perfume with hickeys on his chest and scratches down his back, he would look so disgusted with himself. His eyes would be empty and his jaw tight as he made his way to the bathroom and spent half an hour under the water. His skin would be rubbed raw by the time he came out and he would never meet her eyes. It was hard to stay angry at him when he was already so angry at himself.

She was worried about Max. She was keeping secrets. She never used to keep secrets. They used to tell each other everything. Max used to come into her room every day after school just to talk about what a shit town Hawkins was and how much it sucked being there, away from all their friends, away from the beach, and the sun, away from dad. They had each other, though. Everything sucked just a little bit less because they had each other. They would always have each other.

It happened in stages, Max pulling away. First she stopped coming into her room after school. It started with only a couple days a week. Then it was three days, then four, and eventually she wasn’t coming in at all. She stopped wanting to go to the mall on weekends. Eventually it was like she was never home. Valerie always peek her head into her room to find her window open and her skateboard gone.

Valerie used to have two people she could count on in this God forsaken place. Two people who understood how she felt, who understood what she was going through. When Billy started pushing her away, at least she still had Max. At least Max would still talk to her. Max was her one bright light in the darkness of Hawkins. Then Max stopped needing her, stopped needing a comrade in this three man war on Hawkins, Indiana. She found a group of friends to take her in.

Valerie should be grateful that her sister had people to call her own. Friends that would spend time with her and get to know her. The only friend that Valerie had was Nancy and she was mostly just an acquaintance. She was someone she said “hi” to in the hallways at school or waved at on the street. They didn’t spend time at each other’s houses or braid each other’s hair.

It was hard to be happy for her sister when she had nobody. The only two people she could ever count on in this world had left her behind.

 _God_ , how _fucking_ depressing.

She hadn’t even realized she’d started crying until she heard her door open. She sniffed and quickly wiped her cheeks, sitting up and crossing her legs. Billy poked his upper half through the door and blinked at her. She watched as he hesitated before quietly entering her room and closing the door behind him.

He stopped at the threshold of her room, his hands hanging limply at his sides, and just looked at her.

God, she was _so_ beautiful.

Her hair shone in the moonlight and it made her look like a siren rising out of the water ready to enchant an unsuspecting sailor and lower him to his blissful death. Her eyelashes were wet with her tears but it just made her that much more ethereal. Her eyes shined up at him as she stared from across the room.

Her legs were folded beneath her and her pale skin called out to him. It was his beacon, the one that flashed in the night, guiding him through rough storms and to safe waters. She was his guiding light, his safe harbor, his heaven, his peace.

His home.

God but he loved her. He loved her _so_ much. It _killed_ him, how much he loved her. Every day, waking up, knowing that she was here, next to him, and he couldn’t _be_ with her, have her like he wanted, like he _needed_. It literally killed him inside. Tore out miniscule pieces of his heart and soul until eventually he’d be a shell of the person he was supposed to be.

For years she’d been there, been his person, his confidant, his friend. He’d told her things he’d never told anyone. No one knew him as well as she did. She understood him on a level that no one else would ever be able to understand. She accepted every part of him, the broken and the ugly, the whole and the beautiful, she accepted it all and she cherished it. She held his soul in her hands and she could rip it away from him with just a whisper. But she never would.

He found himself falling in love with her in California. He didn’t know what to do with it, didn’t know how to react. He pulled away, pushed her away but she wouldn’t have it. She called him out on his bullshit. That was the first time he’d kissed her. He’d finally had something, something that was his and his alone. 

And it all came crashing down the very same day.

He’d known his father was seeing someone, had been for a while. They didn’t talk about it. They never talked about it but that night his father mentioned that his girlfriend was coming to the house for dinner and she was bringing her two daughters and he was going to be on his best behavior or else.

When she’d shown up on his doorstep with a plate of brownies in her hands he thought the universe was playing some cruel trick on him. She’d stood there, just as dumbstruck while her mother introduced them. He was quick on his feet and played it off. Turned on the charm and ushered them inside.

They decided that they wouldn’t say anything. Ever. Neither one told their respective parents and both secretly hoped the relationship would be short lived and they would be free to do as they pleased. The universe played another dirty trick when, a few months later, they had another dinner together and their parents announced they were getting married.

Billy remembered feeling like he was underwater. Everything was muted and in slow motion. It was like his brain had gone into autopilot while he calculated all the different ways this could play out for them. None of them were happy endings. He resigned himself to never having her.

At school they kept up appearances, the tutor and the bad boy, exchanging words occasionally. At home they were their same selves, never giving anything away. At night, though, Billy would sneak out and throw rocks at her window until she opened it. He would climb up and they would talk into the early hours of the morning. Mostly about the trivial things, friends at school, homework, hobbies, each other. Sometimes, on rare occasions, they would bring up what might happen after the wedding but they didn’t like to linger on those thoughts.

It was one of those nights when it happened. The night before the wedding, to be more specific. They’d been dancing around each other the whole rehearsal. She as the maid of honor and he as the best man. They had been forced to interact physically and it just made things more difficult. They hadn’t gotten “there” yet in their relationship. There were other things, of course, but it had never felt right.

After they’d gone their separate ways, Neil and Billy to their house and Susan and Max and Valerie to theirs, it felt like a volcano was about to erupt underneath his skin. He was hot all over and his skin itched. Time crawled by and he felt like it took ages for his dad to fall asleep.

Billy nearly ran to Valerie’s house and almost broke something climbing through her window. She seemed to be on the same page as him because he wasn’t even fully over the ledge before her lips were on his and her fingers shoved his jacket from his shoulders.

He was gentle when he took her virginity. She trembled beneath him and he felt her tears against his neck. She smiled at him when he looked at her. The tension in his chest erupted then and his body was filled with every emotion that a man could possess. He knew he loved her in that moment, the feeling of her around him, physically and emotionally. He could feel her happiness like it was a physical thing. Her love surrounded him like a blanket but her tears betrayed her despair.

He held her after. Let her cry in his arms, his own tears falling silently onto her shoulder. In the morning, they’d be connected through marriage and their union would be heavily frowned upon. Hell, Neil would kill him if he knew that his “ungrateful, useless, bastard of a son” defiled his new daughter. This would probably be the only time he would get to hold her like this.

After the wedding, Valerie and her mom and sister moved into Billy’s house. Max and Valerie shared a room so Billy couldn’t sneak in and their parent’s room was right next to Billy’s so Valerie couldn’t sneak out. Life got a little harder but they tried.

Then they moved to Hawkins.

Everything just kept crashing down around them and he didn’t know what to do. He was angry at everything. His dad for moving them to Hawkins, Susan for marrying his dad, Max for making it nearly impossible to talk to Valerie alone, and Valerie for not trying harder. He knew his anger at her was unjustified but he needed to tell himself something to make it easier to ignore her. He needed something to ground him in his quest to push her away and make it easier for her to move on. They couldn’t be together and the sooner they both accepted that, the easier life would be.

But it was impossible to accept.

Seeing her, just sitting there, beautiful and perfect, watching him, he couldn’t accept that they couldn’t have each other. Life wasn’t that cruel.

He swallowed thickly and looked down at his feet. “Did you need something, Billy?” Her voice washed over him like a caress, soothing the fractures of his soul. He looked up and took a deep breath. “I’m sorry, Val.” She smiled sadly and sniffed, looking away. “When has Billy Hargrove ever been sorry for anything?”

He winced and shuffled forward, his hands on his hips. “I’ve been pushing you away, trying to hurt you, and I’m sorry.” She nodded and stood up, the blankets falling off her legs and onto the floor. “Billy, this has been just as hard on me as it has been on you. I know you, Billy. I know everything about you. I know how your mind works. I know that you think you need to push me away to make this easier on me, somehow, but you’ve only made it harder.”

She was standing before him, inches away. He could feel her breath on his face, her smell invaded his nose. “You pushed me away in some attempt to make me forget how I feel about you and in some misguided way to help me accept this place and our life here but I don’t. I don’t accept it, Billy, because I love you too much.” He shuddered as her words washed over him. “I’ve worked too hard to get you to trust me and to believe me and I don’t need you making decisions for me.”

She brought her hands up like she was going to place them on his chest but she stopped before she touched him and brought them back down to her sides. “I needed you here, Billy. I needed you to help me adjust to this stupid place with these stupid people and this stupid family because I want to be here just as much as you do if not less because California was perfect.” She was crying again. She could feel the tears streaming hot down her face. Billy was crying, too.

“It was perfect because I had you. I had you in the only way I could have you but I had _all_ of you. I had your thoughts and your secrets and your fears. You weren’t pushing me away anymore. You weren’t abrasive and horrible and mean. You were you.” She sobbed once and covered her mouth with her hands. She took several steps back but Billy followed her. He held out his arms like he was going to hold her but she pushed them down. She pushed him away from her.

“But then we got here and it was like we never happened. You sneered at me in the halls and you ignored me in class. You called me names and laughed when I cried. You scared Max and you acted like nothing ever happened. And I know we can’t be us in public but I’ve seen the bruises, Billy. The ones you leave on their necks and shoulders. I know where you like to leave them because that’s where you’d leave them on me.” She stopped and took a deep, shaky breath in. She closed her eyes and let herself relax. Billy was still crying when she opened them again. “I know you’re trying to protect me but I don’t _need_ your protection. I just need _you_ , in any way that I can have you. Just, please…please, Billy, stop pushing me away.”

He choked back a sob as he surged forward and pulled her into a bruising kiss. She framed his face with her hands, wiping his tears away, and whispered sweetly against his lips. He backed them up to her bed and they fell back against it. She trailed her hands down his back and slipped them beneath the thin fabric of his tank top.

He was frantic. He needed to touch her, to feel her skin against his again. It had been too long since he’d been able to touch her. He pushed his hands up beneath her sleep shirt, absently noting that it was an old shirt of his that had gone missing from the laundry a few weeks ago, and exposed her breasts to the cool night air. She gasped against his mouth and locked her ankles behind his back.

She tugged his tank top up to his shoulder, urging him to take it off. Billy pulled back and sat back on his heels, looking down at her through hooded eyes. Her face was flushed and her nipples had pebbled against the chilled air. He breathed hard through his nose and pulled his tank top over his head, throwing it over the side of her bed. Valerie kept her eyes on his as she lifted her hips off the bed and let him pull her panties down her legs.

Billy’s mouth watered as he gazed down at her exposed center. She glistened in the moonlight and he couldn’t help himself. He lowered himself down to the bed and pressed scattered kisses across her chest and stomach.  She ran her fingers through his curls and sighed when he placed open mouthed kisses on the jut of her hipbones and then the insides of her thighs.

She glanced over to her nightstand and pulled the drawer open as Billy touched his mouth to her. She gasped sharply and arched her back off the bed. His hand felt blistering where he’d settled it against her stomach. His tongue circled her clit and he switched between soft licks and hard strokes. She settled a hand over her mouth to muffle her sounds.

Billy stroked his thumb over the top of her mound through her curls. He slowly circled her clit as he slipped his middle finger inside her. She tightened beautifully around him and he moaned against her. She gasped and tugged sharply at his hair.

He could spend days between her legs. Just the feel of her against his lips made him feel powerful, stronger like she was ambrosia. He could die there and be happy. He crawled up her body, pushing his boxers down just enough to expose his aching cock. He clocked her open drawer and reached inside. He smirked when he pulled out a bottle of lube. He glanced down at her. “Something you want to tell me, Mayfield?” She scoffed and settled her hands low on his hips, her fingers stroking the skin of his ass.

“Only that you better hurry, Hargrove, before I decide to finish myself.” He groaned at the mental image she conjured in his mind before popping open the lube and covering himself in a healthy amount. He met her eyes as he settled himself above her. He stroked her hair with one hand and with the other, guided himself inside her. They both moaned as he settled inside to the hilt.

It was like a piece of him had been missing and he was finally whole.

He was like a missing puzzle piece for her, snapping back into place after being misplaced.

For a few minutes, they just stayed like that. Him buried inside her and her locked around him. It was peaceful. For the first time since coming to Hawkins, they felt at home.

When his skin started to itch, he rocked his hips. She sighed and arched her back, pressing her breasts against his chest. Billy moaned as her silken heat engulfed him and he buried his face in her neck. She clasped her hand around the back of his neck and brought her other one down between them. Billy pulled back and gripped the headboard, his gaze locked on hers. She circled her fingers around her clit in time with his thrusts, a familiar tingle shooting across her arms and down her spine. Her legs began to tremble and goosebumps rose on her thighs. Billy swooped down and pressed his lips hard to hers. Someone’s lip was cut and he tasted blood, amplifying his pleasure.

Her moan was swallowed by his tongue and she stilled beneath him. Her pussy spasmed around his cock and her fingers remained still against her clit. She gasped sharply when his hips brushed against her fingers, pressing down against her sensitive button. He groaned, the sound broken, and he lost his rhythm. She gasped, their breath mingling, and settled her hands on his ass, pressing him deeper and harder.

He groaned, burying his head in her neck, and shuddered against her. She felt a warmth inside her and held him tighter against her, her legs locked tight against his lower back. He relaxed against her, his weight heavy but welcome on top of her. She smoothed her hands through his hair and down his back as he gathered himself.

He sat up slowly and they both shuddered when he slipped out of her. He tugged his boxers back over his hips and sat back on his heels, her panties next to his right knee. She watched him stoically as he straightened them out and pulled each of her feet through the respective spaces. She lifted her hips as he slid them back up her legs, covering her back up.

He shakily got up off the bed, bending down to pick up his discarded tank top and slip it back on. She stood up, his shirt sliding down to cover her breasts, and followed him to her door. She poked her head out and, seeing no threat, pushed him gently into the hall.

As he stepped into the hall and she scurried across to the bathroom, he turned to face her. She smiled sadly at him and stood up on her toes, kissing him. It wasn’t more than a tender press of their lips together before she pulled away and stroked the side of his face, settling her hand on his neck. He nodded once and she watched him slip down the hall to his room. She turned to enter the bathroom and stopped, movement in her peripheral vision catching her eye. She looked down the opposite end of the hall but there was no indication that anyone, or anything, had moved. She shrugged it off and quietly closed the bathroom door behind her.

**Author's Note:**

> I can't find a Billy Hargrove/OFC story that I truly love so I decided to start my own. This is just a small piece of the whole story but I wanted to share it so that others can imagine the world I see for Billy and Valerie. I have this whole idea with the two of them that starts at season 2 but right now this is the most complete scene I have of them together. It takes place right in the middle of season 2 between episodes 4 and 5. I hope everyone enjoys it!


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